Contrary to what most people might think, I do NOT live a boring life now that I’m retired. Nosiree, Bob! My life is full of excitement and adventure! Take today, for example! A simple trip to the grocery store turned into a real escapade!
Since my mother-in-law, Helen, doesn’t get out much, I asked if she wanted to accompany me on errands after our visit with the physical therapist. She was delighted to ride along, and I was pleased to have her! Everything was fine until our fifth stop. We should have gone home after our fourth stop (had I cared about preserving my dignity). Mom had been sitting in the car the whole time (due to her recent hip surgery), so I asked if she felt like coming into the grocery store to help me pick out a turkey. You would have thought I had asked her to go to Hawaii with me! Boy! Was she excited! So I walked around the car and pulled out her walker, opened it up, snapped it into place, carefully positioned it next to her, and we slowly headed into Stokes’ Market.
She enjoyed her leisure walk up and down each aisle – commenting on how high-priced groceries have become since she had last been inside a supermarket. She picked out a few items, and I selected my turkey. Together, we shuffled to the check-out stand where I encountered a couple of friends and began chatting away. When we finished paying, we sauntered out to the car.
This is where it gets interesting. (Do you remember what happened the last time I wrote about sauntering out to the car with Mom at the grocery store?) Well, this time it was a bit more complicated. Getting her into the car is not like it used to be. There is a “science” to it now, so it takes a little bit of time. I’m very careful because I don’t want her to fall, or twist, or get in the wrong way, so I hover like a helicopter. When she was safely seated, I carefully shut her door, opened the back door, pinched the little doohickies down to fold the walker, lifted it, and slid it inside. Mission accomplished! Now we could go home! Wow! Going to the grocery store with Mom is not like it used to be!
Feeling satisfied, I slapped my hands together and walked back around to get into the car. Seeing the smile on Mom’s face was worth the extra time it took to get that turkey! I started the car, feeling contented and fulfilled, and began to drive away. Suddenly I saw those same friends driving up to us, pointing frantically at something behind us. I hit the brakes and turned around … and the sight I beheld was horrifying!!! Much to my chagrin, my turkey (and Mom’s groceries) were rolling through the parking lot, making a beeline STRAIGHT FOR MAIN STREET!!!
Spontaneously slamming the car into “park,” I jumped out, eyes bulging, and tore across the parking lot, chasing the absconding turkey, while that “friend” of mine (who shall remain nameless) laughed so hard that her face turned ruby red as she blinked away the tears!!! Sheesh! It would have been better had she been a complete stranger! At least I would never have to see that person again! How on earth will I ever live this one down??? I can only imagine the conversation at her dinner table tonight!
Like I said … I DO live a very exciting and adventurous life! After all, can you honestly say you know ANYONE else who hotly pursues dead turkeys in runaway carts through small-town parking lots???